Ode to Anthony

Because that is your middle name

For you use to complain and say

“All your bad poems are about me”

I couldn’t deny the truth

For it set me free


I’ve grown accustomed to understanding you

  Understanding the boy, inside the man of you

    Took a step back to look at the grand-er view


My body has grown accustomed to you intimately

I don’t say it often but she craves you

Your touch, your feel, your imprint

Life with out you. What is it?


Our tables have sometimes not dealt

The best cards for you and I

But we manage to make our way back

I can only speak for myself

I do love you, I know that is for certain

In a room full of people


My soul

My heart

My eyes


Gravitate towards you

  I’ve never fell love like this

The perfect fairy tale I’ve envisioned

Has been misconstrued

Reality took me by the neck

And kissed the raw, the uncut version of love

The version of love that lies between me and you


I used to picture what our future would be like

Not focused on the moments we shared currently

I used to dwell in the past

because I wanted to find


I took one new approach, dealing with you now

Because that is where our memories live

Manifesting into what we are


Perfect is a ploy, take my hand let’s enjoy

Our time we have with each other

Take a breath and vibe with each other


I look at you and I don’t want any other

The good times, the bad times

The first time I heard you rhyme

The first time I saw you laugh

The first time I saw you get angry

The first time I saw you cry

The first time I saw your face between my thighs

A different side, I saw of you


I live for moments like that

I indulge in every part of you

the good,

the bad,

the ugly parts of you


I kiss your spine every morning

To send my love through you


Create with me, stay with me

Never lead me astray


And if we ever do part ways, I say in advance


Je suis désolé



-ctR

Scattered Pain, No Pick Me Up

Words are potent

The ones unsaid

Are the most dangerous

The ones said

are the most contagious

I hear people around me

Talking, I listen quietly

I observe actions

They perceive the hidden meaning

When I say stop

Why does motion still move?

Do my words hold no value?

Or is motion as rebellious as I am?

 

 

Quiet nights, dark skies

No star insight but the one in my eye

The one I hold close to,

when times like this happen

I never know how to react

Until I have reacted

My emotions take over me

All the hurt I have harvested

Took its toll on me

 

 

I told my mother once

My poems stem from pain

That’s how I release

The toxic, the toxic, the toxic

The word pain is short

But it cuts deep

I feel it

I hear it

I don’t see it

If I saw it, would I avoid it?

Probably not

For I know no better

Pain

Pain

Pain

I know no better

-ctR

9:14 EST

My head is pulsating

My mind is wondering into

Depths that were not recognized

I have emotions suppressed

So low I am unaware of

The time

The date

The place

In which they resonated from

I fill with anger quick

Not this

Not that

Not that

But this

Indecisiveness carries itself

To the battle fields of the front line

I watch and I observe

I analyze and I decipher


I am so drained, my lips once spoke

Easy words for myself to binge off

Now words cannot define how I feel


Inevitably, words are thrown at me

Tarnishing who I have made myself to be


I am easy to fall in love with because no one

Dares uncover the raw part of me

Barely touching the surface

They are nervous because the real me

Makes them uncomfortable


“I thought you were different”


I am, I am no love you will ever encounter again

My love, enhances yours until I am ready

Ready to disconnect,


Subtle lies you tell me so I can believe

So I can achieve full submission


Until my third eye, wakes

Until my third eye awakens

To ask myself “why, oh why are you here?”


My love runs too deep for her because I make

Foolish decision without her, I cringe

I sob I shed tears


I look at myself and regain myself

Ask myself, why are you here ?

 

-ctR

Clo 2.0

I close my eyes

To discover the new

The complex views

I bask in the radiance

The radiance

I chose to choose


A positive outlook is better than none

  My patience has gotten better than some

      Of my younger years


I’ve learned not to compare

My success with the one next to mine

My star will shine, in its own time

Until then, enjoy the life

                  Enjoy the vibe


What’s the difference between you and I?


For there is none,

Why would I knock you down

  To bring me up me up some?

Why would I bring you down

    To make a come up?


For what’s the purpose of being divided

I hear the talks of competition

All I hear is repetition

  Lacking all plus stimulation

What’s the situation?


People talk behind my back

  Because they think that I lack

    The common sense of the bridge

        Of how they think and how I act

Oblivious to how I react to the situation

They try to read my mind and are perplexed

To the situation


I’ve been day dreaming

But reality is setting in


For once, my mind isn’t clouded

Expressions I once doubted

Have been here to set me free

Emotions that have taken over me

Now have no control over me

Rest assured, I feel better


I move different, clearer vision

Humble woman but my third eye winking


-ctR

Dragon Slayer

What is color

Seems black and white

What is black and white

seems color


How do you know when you’ve reached

The end of a clif?

When you look down or when you fall?

How do you know

How do you know


Anger is crazy

It makes you do things

I’ve heard things but I ignore them

But my subconscious holds on to them


I not perfect, my flaws ooze out of me

Yet I still wake up and call beauty upon me


Peace of mind is what I scream

Lucid love is what I dream


I ponder on thoughts and never mention them

I have been to the edge of a clif and

never dived in


My older brother died when

we were getting close


Grief is inevitable

How you deal with it

Is unmanageable


I’ve made intangible things

Haunt me, for many years


Here I am, take me as I am

Whoever you are, I am here


I am me, flaws and all


I am ready to attack the beast

Ive awoken, its better now

Than when I was broken

 

-ctR